Teeth chattering, arms pressed against my chest, I felt the breeze cut at my red cheeks, my thin, dark blue jacket impotent; eyelids heavy, my cold, numb body begging to roll back into a warm cozy bed.
"Hi," said a sweet mellow voice.
My head poked out of my hood, eyes meeting with sparkling emerald eyes, rosy cheeks and nose, long, brown, curled hair resting on her pink Hollister sweatshirt, tight jeans, and pink One-Star Converse, the stranger stood in front of me.
"How are you?" She asked.
"G—good," I swallowed all the drool.
Her pale skin enhanced each one of her features; high cheekbones, glossy pink lips, beautiful eyes, each of them taunting me. Green eyes gazed up at me, curiously searching for the words I did not speak, searching for an identity, and searching for an answer at least.
Never in my short life did I recall feeling such mixed emotions…such feelings that were a sin that could send me to the very bottom of hell. The fire slowly burning my flesh, consuming me for eternity, one of many more things that kept me distant from heaven, but the only sin that was worth going to hell for, so disappointing disgusting, repugnant and difficult to understand under the ignorant eyes of closed minded people; I didn’t care anymore. Stomach turning, heart beginning to beat, and breathing for the first time, the wind carried her strawberry scent toward me; I found it difficult to find words in such a blank, foggy mind. Unconsciously, cracked voice unsure voice called to her, guiding her towards the door, hoping to grow closer to her, looking for a way to slowly steadily, and lovingly, crawl into her heart, blocking all other negative emotions that the cruel, inconsiderate thing that the bitter weather could not penetrate, the only thing that no one could touch, and the only thing that to that point, continued to be unclear, but only my heart was sufficiently confident about. Reluctantly I became unable to put a name on such emotion, but in silence continued to admire her unearthly beauty as it lightly shivered and as a white mist escaped my lips that I insanely craved for, afraid to lose control and throw myself at her fragile body, only to slowly, lovingly, and considerately devour her.
“It’s locked,” she said, removing her hand from the frozen door handle.
“What’s your name?” I said abruptly, feeling the need to know the name of such a precious girl.
“J—,” her sweet words were carried by the wind, my mind focusing and swirling around like a whirlpool in her eyes, unable to untangle my eyes from her natural beauty, finding it difficult each time to hold myself back from wrapping my arms around her small waist and kissing her ever so gently.
I stopped for a little and ran my fingers through my choppy black hair, wondering what she thought of, if she found me attractive, or to the least bit acknowledged my existence as much as I had done hers.
The high pitched bell rang, the door violently swung open, and the teacher walked out as she began to observe my dazed expression.
“Let’s go inside, I’m freezing!” she said, patting my shoulder.
The melody moved fluidly through the claustrophobic room, tight with students and instruments. On the other side, I observed her lonely guitar at her side, its strings gloomy and lacking the melodic vibration is was accustomed to. She looked up and I was pleased to find her eyes meet mine; she quickly turned away as I began to notice her face turning a beautiful shade of rosy pink. I saw her and began to believe in so much; I stopped wishing and began opening my eyes to the reality I thought was once only a dream, the words I searched for began to be clear and simple to understand, with one look at a magnificent indescribable angel. I had experienced the feeling that many would take a lifetime to find, and it only took one look and one pearly white smile from her to make me feel hopeful once more.
Wise men say only fools rush in
But I can’t help falling in love with you
Shall I stay
Would it be a sin
If I can’t help falling in love with you
"Like a river flows surely to the sea
Darling so it goes
Some things are meant to be
So take my hand, and take my whole life too
Cause I can’t help falling in love with you
Like a river flows so surely to the sea
Oh my darling so it goes
Some things are meant to be
So won’t you please take my hand, and take my whole life too
Cause I can’t help falling in love, in love with you
Cause I can’t help falling in love, falling in love,
I keep falling in love with you”
I’ve suffered of anxiety attack ever since I was 9 years old. I think it’s important for everybody to know and understand what these really are. I guess the only ones who can really understand what anxiety attacks feel like are those who go through it. I’ll be 19 in June, and have just started to be on medications for this. If you’re dealing with it, trust me, it gets better. Just brave through it, hang on to all the support you can get, and embrace each moment of happiness.
Re-blog for a friend, or tell me your story.